lagi aku tk suka.. lagi tu aku nmpk..... haish.. jgn smpi parang aku yg da lamer tddo bngon alek.. haish iloveyou syg

im back

i guess im back here blogging after soo long.. and soo many shits happening.. haish.. how i fucking hate my life now.


ferstly.. i just got baq hm.. when to iftar wif familie and when to angsana shopping. den go mkn den whole familie go lepak at ili hz watching wujud4, pusaka, kecoh btol and cinta fitri =.= haha..
initialy wanted to buy a baju kurung for raye. same kolor as sayang's.. but suddenly b4 i got out i went to fb and my heart just shatters into pieces.. issit too much for me to ask for us to be back together like how we use to? for u to stop contacting other guys(damn it hurts):(? to times when we were happy wif each other. being sttrong against all odd.. not contacting to anyone apart from each other..
u keep saying that i dont miss u.. but do u know facts that u r the topic of evry conversation i start wif my familie. i keep telling them how much i friggin miss u.. n how much i love you. and wad are our babies name. and plenty more. families are starting to see the cheer on my face back since u and i got together.. and they thankful much to u. kors u brought back the smile on my face.. they are happy for us.. alwaes praying for us. alwaes asking me abt u and when are u coming dwn to meet them and slack and go mkn watch movie. haish. now it hurts me when they asked me.. not bekors that u dun love me animore.. but bekors that we are drifting apart and we arent being strong enuf to stay on. i dun use i. i use us. both of us arent perfect..we have had managed to stay strong before but i dun understand y now we cant, maeb like u said it could be bekors we cant communicate much bekors my line has been cut off due to outstanding bill due to autoroam which i use to msg u. (side track abit, damn autoroam sms is 61 cents sia,.. mahal or wad.. asek cekik duet org jek tau nie singtel.. ok now go baq to the topic,) my mesia prep8 asek low jek pasal satu msg to spore is rm0.50. and my dad keep bringing the lappie to werk. damn.. things are beyond our control. we gotta be strong. no doubt both of us are trying our hard. adnd maeb in my eyes, those guyfriends of urs are taking this advantage to try n break us apart. thats how i feel.. ilove u too much.. i dun wanna let u go. neither do i want u to go. plz syg. iloveyou.. i miss u. and i will always will..

love,
your peterPan

Randomnesssss

Look at what me n sayang come up with.. Haha.
Planning for the future ahead. Haha


Aryan Fahrin Mukhriz  
Ayu Farisha Maisara
Arshiya Fellah Munawwarah

and if u havent realise, this name has the intials of both our name
A,F,M... Go figure. :D


-edd-

Senyuman mu bagaikan matahari yg sinar menyinari alam buana.
Tiada pandangan yang lebih menyeri dari senyuman mu.
Lirikkan matamu membuat ku lebih menyayangi diri mu.
Apatah lagi bibir mu yang sering berbicara tentang cinta mu padaku. 
Demi kesetiaan dan kecintaan ku, rela aku berkorban apa saja asalkan engaku bahagia disamping diriku.
Bukan niatku untuk menghalang kau menghubungi sesiapa, tetapi aku chuma takut.
Takut akan kehilangan mu.
Bukan niatku juga untuk marah dengan dirimu tetapi aku chuma tidak suka kau menghubungi lelaki lain.
Bukan aku tidak percAyakan kau, tetapi lelaki2 itu yang aku tidak percayakAn.
Aku jujur dan ikhlas mencintai kau.
Dan aku harap kau dapat memahami isi hatiku ini.
Aku cintakan kamu mustika.
Tiada sesiapa kecuali kau yang dapat bertahta di istana hatiku.
Aku benar2 menyintai kau mustika.
I love you.
-edd- 

i love u darling

lets just say u are not the person ive known.
ur not the loving, the maje the happy person that ive known
ur not u.
ur change makes me wonder if deres anyone else in ur life
it makes me wonder if u still love me as much as before,
or was it all my fault.

wad wrong have i ever done to u?
wads my mistake to u

haish.. please bby.. i love u.. u know u are the angels of my heart..
but i dunwan this u.. i want the old u.. i want the loving,manje n happy u!


ya allah.. kao berikanla ketenangan kepada dia. kao selamatkan la dia dari ape jua masalah
yg dia harus tempuhi. ya allah kau berikan la dia kekuatan dan semangat untuk melawan hasutan hasutan syaitan dan untuk menempuhi dugaan mu ini ya allah. hanya kepada mu aku memohon dan meminta. Amin.

Im sorry babylove for breaking my vow to u.. Im sorie... ;( but i did it
bekors i wanted to see if deres aniting more in me det hurts more
den my past which is now baq haunting me.. I love u bbygerl.. I do..

Im sorry to all if i dun make it to tomorrow.. Know that i will always love all of u..
Espicially my family n u mustika hatiku.. Im sorry for all that ive done.
Im sorie i have to leave this way. I really love all of u.! I really do.
But my past is haunting me! N i fuckin dul like it.! Im sorie dearest
i love u sooo much..!!

Sungguhbaku hornat dgn kau sebagi org yg lebih dewasa.
Tapi apakah maksod kata2 kau itu?!
Kalao kau tk suker, berterus terang di hadapan muka ku ini!
Tk usah lah kao bertopeng atao pun bersimpan sekian lama
dan lalu menghemboskan sekaligus bagaikan Tsunami yang melanda!
Tapi hingga kini aku masih lagi tidak paham dgn maksud kata kata
mu ini. Semuanya bagaikan dihiasi dgn racun yg membunuhku
perlahan demi perlahan!
Aku sedar atAs kedudukkan ku. Aku sedar aku tk layak utk digelar
suami untuk sidiA. Aku sedar aku ni bodoh. Hodoh. Bodoh dlm
pelajaran. Hodoh didlm segi agama. Aku ngerti semua ini.
Tpi Aku tk ngerti kenapa kao menghina aku hingga sebegini.
Ya Allah berikanlah aku petunjuk dan kekuatan utk menempuhi
segalanya. Amin.

Maafkan aku jika kata kata ku ini tidak beralas.

Its been a long tyme since i last updated on this blog.
Sorry to my followers ( if dere is any ) haha..
Its just that ive been busy with whAt life has offered me.
Life has offered me with alort of tortures. Both mental and physical.
Love life being tortured. Family life with misunderstandings.
Friends who misunderstand me. People whose trying to bring me down.
Financially, emotionally, physically and mentally im being disrupted.
God help me please: help me go thru life as painfull as possible.
Please give me the strength to go thru life challenges.
Help me discover to wad you ( Allah s.w.t) has in store for me.
Apart from presenting me with a beautiful lovely family,
and my beautiful lovely lady of my life,
pleasw god grAnt me my wishes. Thanks And praises only to
Allah The Most Graceful. The Most Merciful.

Pengorbanan cinta kita

I miss u alort baby..
Y do i feel like we are drifting apart syg?
I dun want us to drift apart. I love u.
I miss u. Y are we tortured for our love?
Y issit det out love is being test this way.?
Yare we presented wif mental torture for our love?
No doubt of the saying, absence makes the heart grow fonder.
But too long a absence makes us drift apart.
No doubt my love for u is strong
but nevertheless this absence makes me more paranoid.
I dun wanna leave u neither do i want u to leave me.
People can ssay wadever dey want,
dey can put a barrier to aniting but
not my love for u.
I love u alort syg.
I miss u.

I

Here i am with you
spending my time with yOu today was the best tyme ive
had wif anione.
Here we are on our way back and knowing det our time will be up
soon for the day.
Knowing thAt we gotta end our day with goodbyes.
How i wish i just got the money to really just go to your house
asking your hand in marriage, and den we shall not have to end
our days with goodbyes..
U know baby, goodbyes hurt me even when i knoe its only goodbye
for the day..
I hate having to miiss you..
I hate having to send u home. I just wanna spend the entire day
everyday with u. Teasing u.. Loving u.. Seeing u just make me
realse how much u and this world mean to me.. Baby u have
really change my life around. You are god sEnt baby.. I love u..
I really d0.. I mean wadeva i said about lovin u. And yes i wanna
spent my life loving and livin wif u baby. I love u sharifah aishah mustika..

-Edd-

kini baru ku sedar. Thank you Allah. All Praises To You

di sinar mentari hari ini
aku kagum melihat kuasa illahi
sungguh bersyukur keatas nya kerna
sehingga hari ini,
masih lagi aku bernyawa
walaopun sudah berulang kali
aku mencoba untuk mengakihri hidup ku
maseh lagi aku bernyawa di dunia ini.

ini menunjukkan kuasa illahi yang hanya kini
aku dapat melihat dan merasa
benar juga kata 'hidup mati di tangan Allah S.W.T'
walau dengan macam mana cara kita cuba untuk mengakhiri
hidup kita, tanpa izin nya kita akan gagal.

kini ku sedar kenapa Allah masih mahu aku di dunia ini
dia (Allah s.w.t) ingin menyedarkan aku pada kuasa nya,
bertaubat dan bersujud kepada nya.

ya Allah, aku sedar akan kesilapan ku dan dosa dosa ku
selama 20 tahun hidup ku di dunia.
banyak perkara yang aku menyesal buat tapi kini, nasi telah pon menjadi bubor,
tiada ape lagi yang boleh aku perbuat kecuali berdoa agar kau dapat ampunkan dosadosa ku, dan kini engkau berikanla aku kekuatan, ketabahan dan keimanan untuk kembali pulang ke jalan yg benar menuju ke arah syurga mu Ya Allah.
sesungguhnya engkau la yang Maha Pengampun, Maha Penyayang, dan yang Maha Pemahami.

Honesty.. WHY?

here i am trying to be honest.
trying to tell you the truth
and there you are saying im treating u as a rebound
saying you will consider

wads wrong wif being honest..?
ape ke seseorang yang pernah membuat salah
pernah membuat kelakuan dosa yang besar akan sentiasa di khianati oleh manusia2 lain?
selagi kita bernama manusia, kita tidak akan lepas dari membuat dosa dan salah..
aper aku seorang je manusia kat dlm dunia nie yg paling terkutok?
aper aku nie binatang yg dicaci.. yang dihina.. even binatang tk ada org kutok atao hina
seperti maner yg aku telah dicaci.. seperti maner yg aku telah dikutok!


people say honesty is the best policy..
i agree but why issit that when people are being honest, they get fucked up..?
pardon me for the language. but im just letting off my the steam of disappointment and anger.

Why issit that when sumone wanna change for the better, people look dwn on hym/her..
why issit that people look dwn on people who have made a mistake and acknowledged it and wanted
to change and atone for their sin?
why issit that when people are being honest, dey get looked down upon?
why issit that when people learned about the truth, they alwaes wanna leave?
why issit that people cant accept the fact that people will change.
why issit that people cant accept changes from a sinner?

answer me please god..
give me the strength..
im too weak now to even step off away from the ledge.
im just too weak. GOD HELP ME PLEASE.. if u think that i should leave, make me fall forward.
if not make me fall backward. god help me..


Ya ALLAH, aku sedar aku bnyk buat dosa, ampunkanlah dosa ku dan terima lah taubat ku ya allah..
amin.

you!

MUSTIKA..

YOU! bring me back the true meaning of my life
YOU! gave me back my happiness
YOU! show me what true love is all about
YOU! tought me how to love
YOU! showed me the way to a palace filled with love
YOU! ARE THE ONE AND ONLY I WILL LOVE..


one year and a half having to discretely loving u..
now, your mine.. all mine and only mine..

I LOVE U BABY..

Randomizin'

World filled with oppurtunity all around the street corners
Turn. But you realised you're being cornered
Frozen. You dont know what you're gonna do except
to surrender to fate.

-Edd-

I realise that life is like a puzzle
Its something that always get u entangled
And when you're entangled,
You always get strangled
And when you're strangled,
You always end up being stress
And thats just fate.

-Edd-

Wahai kasihku, dengarkanlah rintihan ku
Dari hati yang murni
Kata-kata ku bukannya mimpi
Tetapi kenyataan di siang hari.

-Edd-

Terbentang luas dimuka bumi
Ku tahu ini bukannya mimpi
Mahupun yang ngeri
Ataupun yang hepi

Setiap kata kata yang kau lafazkan
Membuat ku tidak akan putus asa
Namun ada saja godaan
Semuanya ku tahu hanyadari Tuhan

Aku disini umpama bunga
Yang menantikan sang lebah
Mahupun ia membisa
Ia tetap mendatangkan bahagia

Disini ingin akiu katakan
Dirimu tidak boleh disamakan
Hanya kerana engkau yang ku suka
Dan hanya keran engkau yang ku cinta

-Edd-